Why Judgmentalism is Bad for you and your Relationship

A client once asked me: What's wrong with being judgmental? After all, it's about the truth, and what is true and right cannot be wrong. I pondered for a long time how I could make it plausible to her that this is not such a good idea in a relationship.

It's bad for your self-image

Judging others harshly also means being harsh on oneself, which in turn leads to a rigid framework of thinking and feeling, causing fear and susceptibility to depression. If you can't meet the strict regime, you feel bad and worthless.

Countermeasure: Be kind to yourself!

Judgmentalism is an energy drain

In the best-case scenario, one manages to live within the narrow framework, but it requires a lot of energy to avoid the "immoral," leaving little energy and attention for achieving positive goals.

Judgmentalism is bad for brain health

Judgmentalism rationalizes existing negative feelings such as fear and anger. The origin of these negative feelings is usually far in the past. Through critical thoughts, the negative feelings are "justified" and maintained.

Negative emotions are represented in the right hemisphere of the brain. The neural structures in this area become increasingly interconnected, and the neural circuits become more excitable. An imbalance is created in the brain, a physical structure grows, and the phrase "That's just the way I am" takes on a new meaning. Negative feelings become the predominant way of life.

Countermeasure: Retrain your brain back to equilibrium.

Judgmentalism is a relationship killer

The well-known Viennese psychiatrist and psychotherapist Raphael Bonelli coined the term "Moral Narcissism." One's own values are declared as the right and true ones, a ploy to devalue others and elevate oneself.

What polemic aims for: That the individual feels better and superior and reaffirms themselves, morally claiming to do the infallibly right thing.