Emotional Intelligence of Husband Key to a Stable Marriage

Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading marriage therapists and researchers on the subject in the USA, comes to this conclusion. What he means by this is the ability to emotionally engage with his wife (accept influence), to yield in conflicts, to acknowledge her desires, and to compromise.

Why is the call for more emotional intelligence specifically directed towards men, one might ask? Naturally, the command to treat one's partner with respect applies equally to women, but women tend to strive for connection in their relational behavior more so than men, as Gottman found in his studies. He suspects that this preference stems from the different preferences exhibited by girls during play with their friends: Maintaining a good relationship is more important to them than the desire to win, whereas among boys, competition tends to take precedence. The traditional gender roles may also play a role here, as mutual understanding works well in same-sex relationships between men. The attitude that the man must be in charge of the relationship can cause significant harm. Gottman says he can predict with over 90% accuracy whether a marriage will last, based on just a single 15-minute conversation with the couple. If the man regularly shows reluctance towards requests for communication, closes himself off to the wishes of the woman, behaves dominantly, or even derogatorily towards her, the chances of this relationship lasting beyond the first 6 years are slim.

There is another good reason from the perspective of men to take care of their wives' satisfaction. Sense of security for the woman: more health for both

"In my opinion, the sense of security of the wife influences the relationship dynamics generally more strongly than that of the husband. When a man recognizes how important it is to convey a sense of security to his wife, it not only benefits the relationship but also has an enormously positive effect on the health of both partners."

For over three decades, Gottman has studied couples arguing in his Love Lab. In addition to couple communication, bodily functions such as blood flow speed and sweating on the palms were measured. Additionally, he collected psychological questionnaire data on parameters such as relationship satisfaction and trust level. There was a correlation between lower blood flow speed in both partners and a high level of trust from the woman. Conversely, if only the man showed a high level of trust, this did not affect blood flow speed. Furthermore, a high level of trust and relationship satisfaction on the part of the woman correlated with a higher life expectancy for men.