Helpful in Dealing with Anxiety:

Understanding My Brain Better

Guest contribution by Dr. Reiner Löffler

The following insights have helped me become calmer and more composed:

"Ghosts come at night"

Our brain has a protective and alarm function - the amygdala. This organ operates at full throttle at night because, evolutionarily, predators also hunt at night, and our brains perceive dangers in every rustle and in the smallest signs. Therefore, it's not surprising that we wake up at night with worries, especially regarding survival questions like "how long will my money last before I starve to death - one week or two?" etc. Being aware that our brain is currently running in anxiety mode helps our rational mind put thoughts into proper perspective.

Writing down anxious thoughts helps as a measure to get the anxieties out of the head onto paper and make them accessible for a calm look the next day.

"Don't believe every thought of yours"

This helpful phrase ties directly into the previous point. As a survival organ, our brain constantly produces thoughts - essentially based on uncontrolled randomness on biochemical processes. Or do you know your next thought? Of course, there are also plenty of mistakes - probably the majority of thoughts. But how do we deal with that? Helpful is the image of clouds that appear and pass by - when we are calm, we let them pass by and do not attach ourselves to any of these unhelpful thoughts. It suffices to acknowledge them and simply comment with "ah, very interesting." We shouldn't give this thought any more weight or, most importantly, energy or time - or let it "take us over."

"The brain seeks patterns and confirmation"

Building on the previous point of randomly generated "thought flashes," the brain wants to confirm these hypotheses - which it suggests to us as truth - following the motto "what I think is true" and searches for evidence accordingly in the environment. This creates a massive filter between neutral "It is as it is" and the thought-colored "I knew it was like this." We no longer perceive the environment "as it is and then think about it" in the sense of "Take a breath and then Evaluate, and decide if action is necessary or not," but the environmental stimuli serve as evidence for our preconceived views and are then released for immediate reaction. We become an emotional automaton - we degrade ourselves. Stimulus and response without critical thinking become our fate.

"The brain adds stress factors"

Everyone knows the saying "that's the last straw" and that's exactly the point we need to understand to avoid the emotional explosion that follows. The unremoved socks, the unshaved stubble in the sink, etc., are internalized as stress factors - one says nothing. But that doesn't mean that every process doesn't "affect us." Every stressful process is stored and moves our stress level closer to the tolerance limit - until this tolerance limit is exceeded and triggers the emotional explosion. We should keep this accumulation mechanism in mind and then trigger self-protection when such individual processes occur: Either we directly work off the stress by making ourselves aware of the process as stress-laden, addressing it, or trivializing it, or by reducing it through physical activities (take a breath, jog, push-ups, etc.). It's important to feel - usually our body tells us - when we reach the tolerance limit and intervene beforehand.

5. "The brain takes everything personally"

Based on the brain's function as a protective organ, this also makes sense and is understandable. But not always or mostly not correctly and not helpful. When someone scolds us, doesn't respect us or our performance, rebukes us, etc., we are often just coincidentally in the line of fire. The problem is not with us, but with the other person. It is important to realize that "hurt people hurt people." So don't immediately strike back and let the emotional exchange run freely, but take a breath, don't react, acknowledge it gratefully or comment neutrally "very interesting, I'll think about it" - but beware not to appear provocative. Avoid the presence of such toxic individuals.

6. "I am not my thoughts"

Consciously and mindfully dealing with our thoughts is helpful. We can do this by equating our SELF with an OBSERVER. An observer of our thought clouds and how they drift by and come and go. Since we no longer identify with the thoughts, we are able to judge them according to the criteria "Helpful" and "True." Our observer remains calm like the surface of a lake in which the clouds and the landscape are reflected. But if our observer is agitated, he can no longer perceive the clouds and the landscape undistorted. This also distorts decisions and generally makes them less helpful.

7. "The brain seeks occupation"

Often our present is not so exciting or stimulating that our brain stays in the present. It drifts away - either into the past with "if only I had decided this or that, etc." or into the future with potential dangers like "I will starve." Mark Twain once expressed it like this: "I have experienced many terrible dangers in my life. Luckily, only a few have come true." However, we should not go down the wrong path and try to control our thoughts or reprogram ourselves with positive thoughts. Firstly, it doesn't work, and secondly, it leads to enormous additional stress according to the motto "I can't even get anything right - not even my thoughts." Let's perceive our thoughts, but not too seriously. Then we can deal with these thoughts as described in the previous point.

8. "Does the past need to be worked through?"

To put it right away - No! - it doesn't. Navigating oneself mentally into burdensome situations and rehashing them again and again is not helpful. The brain reconfirms the overload of this situation and holds onto the old feelings as if it were the present. It is much more important to recognize self-destructive feelings and consider what can I do to feel better?

Better: Letting go.

When painful memories from the past come up: Greet them kindly, ask yourself, what does this part of myself, which is currently scared, need? Can I send some comfort or love there? And then let go again.

And then:

Return to the moment here and now. First, just perceive what is happening. "Oh, intense memory." Observe: What is my emotional reaction, and what am I reacting to right now? Think: Is there a reason why the memory came up? Sometimes there isn't. We're just in a bad mood, tired, stressed, overwhelmed. Or there is one, like "I'm in a relationship, I've had bad experiences in the past."

What do I need to feel good here and now? How can I shape it?

We are on earth to learn - so how can we learn from the painful experiences and better shape our present and future? That's the helpful question, - also - even if some things have gone wrong in our lives - we don't need to devalue everything so far.

"Our brain doesn't like to take responsibility"

We tend to pass the responsibility ball to others, such as the wife (who should make me happy), the parents (who should have raised me better and instead instilled fears in me), the school (which denied me better grades), the dog (who doesn't obey), etc. Our brain excels when we need to find someone to blame. Whatever happens - happens, because we can control very few things. But what we can control is how we deal with it and make the best out of it. And that is solely our personal responsibility. So instead of asking our brain who is to blame, we should ask ourselves, what is the most helpful forward strategy. That's where our brain excels: solving problems.

10. "We can influence more than we realize, including feelings"

Often, we are in an unconscious flow of stimulus and response. Especially our feelings seem inevitable. But the good news is: we can also influence our feelings. It's important to introduce a bit of distance: I am not my feelings.

Feelings have physical effects. We can feel the sensations of emotions in our body - as tension in the pit of the stomach, dry throat, tight chest, etc. When I (the observer) feel these signs (when he is mindful in the here and now), then I can decide whether I want to continue/allow these emotions or not. Is continuing/allowing these emotions helpful for me or not? I can decide: I am happy and content and grateful (for everything life offers me).

A shepherd was once asked what the weather would be like tomorrow. He replied, "It will be good weather." The questioner wanted to know how the shepherd knew. The shepherd replied that every weather is good weather and he no longer rates the weather as good or bad.