Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.

Steve de Shazer

Solution-oriented

Systemic psychotherapy or counseling is solution-oriented.

It is incredibly tempting to form a picture of the world using deficit-oriented labels.

In the context of psychotherapy, this type of negative labeling seems particularly detrimental to me: Suppose I call your behavior or that of your partner "narcissistic" or "emotionally unavailable," then I immediately make you feel: "I am deficient, I am not good enough." And that is a rather problematic feeling with negative consequences, which we actually want to get away from in order to better deal with yourself and your partner.

It may be that many therapy approaches work well despite these attributions. From my point of view, it is like with the apple tree that bears good fruit not because of the powdery mildew, but despite it.

The goal is to engage in authentic open contact. Feelings are allowed and examined. However, couples therapy should not tempt you to finally let all your negative feelings run free without control. Even if the need for it is understandable. Unless your goal is separation, and even in this case, I would not recommend it, as it increases subsequent costs and spins the negative spiral even faster.

If the impulse seems insurmountable, I recommend individual sessions or separate sessions first. Here, the agreement of "open confidentiality" applies, meaning what is discussed in individual sessions remains in individual sessions, or it is at your discretion what you want to share.

And how do you feel when the conflict or problem that you are stuck with is resolved? What would that look like? How would you feel then? How do you get there?

I understand therapy as a problem-solving process in which I support you.

As a professional therapist, I can offer you an impartial external perspective, through conversation with me, things can come into view that were not noticed before.

I offer you emotional support, together new perspectives can be discussed, evaluations can be reconsidered, and other, possibly helpful attitudes can be felt and tested.

Past and present in therapy

Systemic psychotherapy assumes that experience is generated in the present and must be resolved there.

In the common assumption about how psychotherapy works, the processing of the past is often the focus. In contrast, systemic therapy is more focused on the present, because even if problems may have been rooted in the past, the key to the solution does not necessarily lie there. A different perspective in the present, doing something else or doing something differently, thinking differently, communicating differently helps that something changes. Because a problem can only persist by being maintained or continually reproduced in the present. The constant circling around past grievances can maintain a problem, such as depression, or possibly deepen it.

That a look into the personal past can sometimes help to better understand one's own behavior is not disputed.

Self-determined therapy

You are a customer to me, not a patient. Your order is my guideline. In my work, I value your autonomy and maximum transparency. You know your goal; otherwise, you will find it out with my support.

The process of deciding where the journey should go is often in itself a part of therapy. Regular review, adjustment, and readjustment of the goal along the way are useful. Psychotherapy is a search process, a search for ways out of a often painful perceived current state, which I accompany and support you in.

Essentials

Systemic psychotherapy is one of the most widespread treatment approaches worldwide and is a scientifically recognized therapy method.

However, it is not one of the so-called guideline procedures and is therefore not covered by health insurance.

Compared to other forms of therapy, the number of sessions is lower and takes place at greater intervals. Systemic therapy has a high long-term effectiveness.

There are two umbrella associations for systemic therapy in Germany: the DGSF and the SG. There you can learn more about the approach.